it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
