I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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