I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
