Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
