How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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