her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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