guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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