so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
