At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
