if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
