is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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