spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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