My room smells like vodka and shame
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
