the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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