i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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