I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
