I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
