This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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