dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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