I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need water and some morals
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
