he puts the penis in happiness.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
