He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
