sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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