do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
