like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
