You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
