I can tuck mytits in my pants
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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