i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let's get the cat blown out
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
