I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
