It's Friday. Sex?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
