please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
