Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
