who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
