u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
