OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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