More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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