Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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