you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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