i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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