my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
