woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
