a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
