I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
