I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
