The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
