Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
