just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I will pee on everything he values.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
