guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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