Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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