We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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