I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
